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The Independent Critic

Adam Bengis, Andrea Libman, Ashleigh Ball, Emily Blunt, Kristin Chenoweth, Liev Schreiber, Michael Pena, Sia, Taye Diggs, Zoe Saldana
Jayson Thiessen
Meghan McCarthy (Written by), Michael Vogel (Screenplay), Rita Hsiao (Screenplay), Bonnie Zacherle (Creator), Joe Ballarini (Story by), and Lauren Faust (Characters)
Rated PG
99 Mins.

 "My Little Pony" is Even Too Timid for Hardcore Bronies  
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With not even a full episode's worth of entertainment to be found in its excruciatingly painful 99 minutes of running time, My Little Pony: The Movie is a feature film that even the most hardcore of bronies, those twistedly fetishistic adult lovers of the series, would be able to love. 

The kaleidoscopic pony world of Equestria is constructed of 2-D rainbow sparkles brought to life in a barely 1-D story will most assuredly place the film among the year's worst in animated features. To describe the film's story is, I'd dare say, the most entertaining part of the film. In the film, Twilight Sparkle (Tara Strong) must join her other little poney friends including Pinkie Pie (Andrea Libman), Rainbow Dash (Ashleigh Ball) and Applejack (also Ashleigh Ball) in fighting off the Tempest Shadow (Emily Blunt), a unicorn gone bad, and the evil demon Storm King (Liev Schreiber). 

I mean, seriously, folks. This film is so bad that I can't believe Hollywood didn't toss the dreadfully missed Brendan Fraser a bone and at least let him be some obscure little pony. 

The biggest problem with My Little Pony: The Movie, beyond the fact that it's My Little Pony: The Movie, is that it feels completely and utterly unnecessary as what unfolds here is no more impressive in terms of story or production values than your average 30-minute television episode. For the uninitiated, My Little Pony: The Movie will be nothing short of unbearable with its incomprehensible storyline, confusing and indistinguishable characters and vocal work that frequently sounds like Adam Sandler snorting kegs of helium. Much of the team behind My Little Pony: The Movie is also involved with the still popular television show, though that inside familiarity works against the film as My Little Pony: The Movie feels like it was only made for those in the know. 

Still, it's hard to completely bash a film that maintains a cynicism free, pro-friendship vibe even if it does so with syrupy sweet sentimentality and so many cringe-inducing scenes that suddenly the Wiggles will seem like Shakespeare come to life. 

The most entertaining thing about My Little Pony: The Movie is simply the fact that so many film critics have attempted, some while obviously under the influence of something, to actually critique the film in a serious manner. There's nothing here meant to be taken seriously and there's simply nothing here that can be taken seriously. 

There will be those who appreciate My Little Pony: The Movie. You'll know them because they'll be masturbating in the back of the theater. My suggestion? Avoid them.

© Written by Richard Propes
The Independent Critic